Hey all! Today is my 31st birthday. This is the first birthday I have been actively displeased about, and so with that has come much reflection, introspection, and all around thinking and processing. I think about blogging just about every day, but as is evidenced by the lack of posts here, I haven't been. And since I haven't been for so long, I know I need to explain what's been going on before diving right back in.
This is a tough post to write. I never know what my comfortable line of how much personal stuff I share is. I am sure pretty sure this is a universal thing for every blogger, or person who puts them self out in the public eye, but that doesn't really make it any easier. Since the things that have been keeping me away from working and blogging are personal, I am going to share more than I normally do.
I have had a rough few years. I have been feeling like I have not been adjusting to motherhood as easily or as smoothly as I would like, or as I expected. This past year has been a particularly challenging year and because of this, we have come to realize something has been going on with Presley. After going to our pediatrician, and starting up with a behavioral therapist, seeing my own counselor, meeting with a psychiatrist, and a plethora of other tests, Presley has been diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder and ADHD. We are not sure that this is where the issue stops, and we are currently waiting for an Autism Evaluation through the hospital.
What a tough journey. Not only have I been running around from appointment to appointment and filling out piles and piles of forms, Presley is, as described by his therapist, a "high needs" child. Basically I can't take my eyes off of him and with the addition of another tiny human this past year, this has meant I barely can get the dishwasher loaded and unloaded and the laundry done, let alone more thought heavy tasks like blogging and writing patterns/books. By "cant take my eyes off of him" I mean he tantrums all day, every day, over everything (down to, "lets go potty") and his tantrums last anywhere from a few minutes to an hour, or the epic 2 hour tantrum we had about 3 weeks ago. Do you know how long 2 hours of sobbing feels like? With all this (and more, I want to keep this post succinct!), by the time the kids are in bed at night I'm beat and have very little creative thought, or any thought really, left to work and blog.
We have been actively pursuing screenings and help and whatnot for Presley for the past 6 months, and we have known something was wrong since we saw how different Maverick has been as a baby, and since we had the preschool Presley started about 9 months ago ask him not to return. I always felt like something was going on with Presley, since he screamed for the first 6 weeks of his life (and most of his first year, transitions are still one of his major issues ;) ), but it wasn't until the preschool talked with me about him and kicked him out, and I have had another kiddo to compare to that we have realized something is really up and taken him in for help. I am just thankful at this point that I am not crazy, and my transition to mom has been a more challenging one than I could have ever anticipated.
I am finally seeing some light though! Presley starts Occupational Therapy for his sensory issues on WEDNESDAY this week. After turning in paperwork to see if Presley needs to be evaluated for Autism in November, we got put on the waiting list in December and were told it would be 8 months or so to get the process started. BUT, I found a Autism center a little under an hour from our house that Presley's psychiatrist mentioned. So, I called them last Wednesday, got a phone interview for medical information Thursday, and by golly, we start the process this Thursday. I can't even tell you how relieved I feel to be started on that and find out for sure what is going on so we can get this kiddo the help he needs.
I feel like I am starting to want to talk to the world again and not just hide from every one, so that's why I am here. It's so hard (and very scary) when you know something is wrong with your child, but you don't know what. And as hard as that is, it is even harder to talk about it with anyone who doesn't know what's going on, since I can't say exactly what is wrong since I don't even know.
I have been taking a little time to craft, since it keeps me sane, and I need as many keep-Rebecca-sane things as I can get. So, my goal is to share on here the projects I am working on as I have time. I am also finishing up 2 books that I had to push the deadlines out on twice, so I've got to get those done in the next fews weeks as well, but I will try to get myself on here, and on Instagram again more since I miss both a lot. But, if I am not here, now you know why.
Finally, if you have emailed me in the last few months and I have not gotten back to you, I am truly sorry. I fell off email with everything that has been going on, and now have nearly 2,000 emails in my inbox (not including social or promotions, since gmail puts those into separate folders for me). I just have felt so overwhelmed by everything going on in my house I haven't managed to get to my email.
Alrighty, that's it for tonight. Now I've got a bottle of cake flavored vodka to finish up my birthday. Oh, that and Walking Dead (we get it on AppleTV, so we get it the night after it airs, which is on my birthday this year!) Sorry for such a lengthy post!